loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
