We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
