I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
