if you like me you must not know who I am
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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