i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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