I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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