is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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