I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
