when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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