You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
