Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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