At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
