I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
