she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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