So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
