I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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