btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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