Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
