I skipped work to stalk him.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
