If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
