he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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