just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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