Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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