hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
