why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
