question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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