trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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