I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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