Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
