Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
