at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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