my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
