We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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