Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
