he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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