I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
