matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
