i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
