we have pet lesbian snakes
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
my liver is dry heaving
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
