we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
