so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
