So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
