Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
