i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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