I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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