I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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