Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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