well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
