Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
