I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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